If you leave it up to me, I’m going to write a stupid story but it will be goddamned phenomenal. And I end up the main character, its going to be even better. More magical than anyone could have anticipated. If you ask me to dance, my name is Vinny. If you ask me to love you, my name is Vincent. I don’t ask for much.
I don’t want much, and nobody’s sharing.
I’ve got a firey hundo in my pocket and nothing to spend it on and thats okay cuz greed aint gonna make me King. I will never be good enough for my own empire and when you try to disprove this theory, you will build my ego up like a maniac. You will turn me into art, crown me with your empty honour, feast on my inadequacies and go boohooing until you’ve cried so many tears it becomes both endearing and terrifying at the same time. All I ever want is to go ALL THE WAY. I’ve been way out of line before. Once your demons awake, you can’t just tuck them back into bed, ya know? I’ve enough praise for the things that never decay. I’ve enough praise for the things that do.
I’ve seen your eyes hiding what they really can’t hide at all.
There’s a lot of ways I maybe ought to feel:
Emotionally detached, Physically drained, grateful for recent good luck, focused on coming opportunities, regretful of the past. I grasp so tightly that I spend most of my time with numb hands. This path gets rather lonely from time to time especially knowing the destination isn’t ours to alter. Sometimes I just sit on a curb between the parked cars and I watch the entire world, pass me by. Life is going to force you to do all the things you don’t want to do. This is how the world trains dogs like us. Sometimes you’re just going to sit on curbs between parked cars and watch the entire world pass you by.
There’s something peculiarly energizing about [fifteen minute pause] ugh, I forget…
Exhaustion does strange things to a man.
I hardly know what to say or what to do. Periods of overcompensation. Self medicating. It’s all nonsense really, when you’re in the sewer, knee deep in shit and rats, nobody cares what you’re wearing.
Been down this road a thousand times before, but there’s always a hint of something new in the air, all compressed into one brief interlude of beginning, middle, and end, and it becomes a confirmation of sorts that I am, in fact, still among the living.
I look across a horizon only half as wide as my imagination, a chasm that has divided me from my most impossible-to-endure days. I was tired, tired of living everyone else’s dream, tired of reviving other people’s idea of paradise. I thought about what my idea of paradise might be now, now – after 29 years of wandering these very sewers.
For all those who have forgotten, and those who aren’t aware of the case
Severity a ten.
The live birth, no epidural
the fractured femur,
the bullet ant sting,
the torn achilles.
The pain drags you right to the edge,
the edge gets your epinephrine burning, baby, but the edge is sharp over here.
Bring your beta-blockers.
Bring your ugly worst. Bring it on.
I am already losing it; my balance.
My lack of participation in a game already lost is what is slowly killing me.
I am the jaws that devour the whole world.
I am the living sleep you will never be at peace without experiencing.
I am golden. Smelt me down.
Make me your tendered currency.
Bury me, your fabled treasure.
Make chains out of me.
Abbreviate the things about me which disgust you.
Sing me goodbye, O’ privateer.
Just watch my ship go under.
Lament my bottomless ocean.
Paint this wasteland yellow.
Red X marks the spot.